OUR cathedral will host the national launch of an innovative project to get people talking about death.

The Rev Belinda Davies with some of the GraveTalk questions that she designed

It has been chosen for the national launch of ‘GraveTalk’ – a unique café space to talk about death, dying and funerals – because our diocese has played a key role in shaping the idea.

The Rev Belinda Davies, vicar of St George’s Church, Portsea, is the author of a pack of GraveTalk questions which can be used in this café setting. They range from the type of funeral you’d like to what you think heaven might be like.

And you’ll get a chance to sample those conversation starters at the national launch of GraveTalk, which happens at a drop-in cafe in Portsmouth Cathedral between 2pm and 9pm on May 19. That’s also the day when Church House Publishing will publish the resources for the first time, including a guide to how to run GraveTalk events.

Those of any faith or none are invited to raise questions and air their thoughts over tea and cake, in the giant free cafe which will be created inside the cathedral. It’s all happening as part of Dying Awareness Week.

Clergy, worshippers, funeral directors, youth leaders and groups, and those involved in hospital and hospice chaplaincy have been specifically invited, and passers-by will also be encouraged to drop in for an hour or so. There’ll also be prayer stations for those who want to engage spiritually.

Belinda joined the national Church’s Funerals Project working group because of her academic research into the issue and her experience of running a nursing home, as well as her parish role. The team is led by Canon Dr Sandra Millar, the C of E’s head of projects and developments.

“I spent nine years managing a nursing home and working with the dying before I was ordained,” said Belinda. “And my MA at Durham involved studying death rituals and ministry to the dying. It’s this experience that I have brought to the working group.

“The team came up with the idea of having cards that might help people to talk about the subject, because, in  our experience, it is a taboo subject. Even in families that are caring for an elderly relative, talking about death is hard.

“Death is really hidden in our society – it’s pushed to the edges and often confined to medical or hospice settings. It means some people feel quite isolated when they are dying.

“I developed some ideas with a friend, formulated about 50 or so questions, and then sent them to another friend who is a hospital chaplain. They are designed for everyone, not just Christians, and not just those facing the immediate prospect of death or who have a relative who is dying. Although GraveTalk is not a bereavement support group, there are questions about grief and loss over the years.

“There are lots of open questions such as how you’d like to be remembered, what you’d like at your funeral, or what you think about woodland burials or roadside shrines. We have roadtested them in Lichfield diocese and in some parishes in this diocese already, and had good feedback.

“The café idea is an opportunity for people to try the questions in a relaxed atmosphere, and give them permission to talk about something that wouldn’t normally be talked about.

“I believe passionately that we can help people to think about dying and to have some kind of plan in place. When you die, your family will be asked to make all sorts of decisions on your behalf, and they can feel paralysed if you haven’t been clear about what you want. It’s certainly made me think about my own death, and what I’d like my funeral to be like.” 

GraveTalk is part of the Church of England’s national Funerals Project, an initiative to to help us to improve the Church’s ministry to the thousands who attend church funerals each year, to offer better support to the bereaved and to raise awareness of the Church’s role. 

Anyone is welcome to turn up to the cathedral in Old Portsmouth on May 19, enjoy tea and cake and join in the conversation with others.

For more information about GraveTalk and the Funerals Project, see www.gravetalk.org or www.churchofenglandfunerals.org.